Thursday, 31 March 2016
Wednesday, 30 March 2016
3 myths about happiness?
When we talk about happiness many people raise eyebrows and think it as a fluffy subject. Who has time for this, for many people is taboo like sex and money you can's ask them if they are happy.
And many start an arguments of who is happy, you can' measure it , how can you be happy?
Happiness has been a subject since Socrates, Plato, Aristotle times talking about Eudamonia ( fulfilment ) and they discovered that the base of out life is search and savoring positive emotions.
Im my book of the week I am reading as to the benefit of happiness and how it has been measured in psychology labs.
The research has been done despite positive psychology is a new only 10 years and the results are unmistakable.
Happy people are more sociable and energetic than their peers.
They are more charitable and cooperative and better liked than their peers.
Happier people are likely to get married and stay married and have richer networks of friends and social support.
There are more resilient in the face of hardship and earn more money, have stronger immune system and live longer.
In the Socrates time people had access to philosophers that would live in the house of rich people or be part of the community and they would discuss their most important issues and give opinions and lead people in their daily struggles and how to view the world.
That role today is played by life coaches that are becoming more dominant in our society but still to very little degree. Although people nowadays think that because there is so much information easily available they can digest it them self and don't like to seek help, that was not a problem with athenians that asking a philosopher was a normal phenomena.
There RE MANY MYTHS TO HAPPINESS but three are stressed in Sonja lyubomirsky book "The how of Happiness
Myth 1. Happiness must be found.
Happiness is within us and we can affect 40% of it. as stated before 50% is determined by genes, 10% circumstances by cars/ goods/ jobs /holidays.
Such a shame that we put so much effort on only 10%
Myth 2. I will be happy WHEN.....
As humans we overestimate how happy something will make us and hoe sad something bad will make. If we took more time to understand that we adapt to everything that happen to us we will come ti a peaceful place of love and compassion for our selves and our fellow human beings and start be happy in the moment.
Myth 3. you either have it of you don't
Buddhist monks through many researches have proven that you can increase happiness through meditation that we have 40% that we can influence and the journey is worth it.
The ideas and inspiration by book " The how of happiness"
Some idea by my favourite site that is more stoic when viewing happiness www.theschooloflife.com
And many start an arguments of who is happy, you can' measure it , how can you be happy?
Happiness has been a subject since Socrates, Plato, Aristotle times talking about Eudamonia ( fulfilment ) and they discovered that the base of out life is search and savoring positive emotions.
Im my book of the week I am reading as to the benefit of happiness and how it has been measured in psychology labs.
The research has been done despite positive psychology is a new only 10 years and the results are unmistakable.
Happy people are more sociable and energetic than their peers.
They are more charitable and cooperative and better liked than their peers.
Happier people are likely to get married and stay married and have richer networks of friends and social support.
There are more resilient in the face of hardship and earn more money, have stronger immune system and live longer.
In the Socrates time people had access to philosophers that would live in the house of rich people or be part of the community and they would discuss their most important issues and give opinions and lead people in their daily struggles and how to view the world.
That role today is played by life coaches that are becoming more dominant in our society but still to very little degree. Although people nowadays think that because there is so much information easily available they can digest it them self and don't like to seek help, that was not a problem with athenians that asking a philosopher was a normal phenomena.
There RE MANY MYTHS TO HAPPINESS but three are stressed in Sonja lyubomirsky book "The how of Happiness
Myth 1. Happiness must be found.
Happiness is within us and we can affect 40% of it. as stated before 50% is determined by genes, 10% circumstances by cars/ goods/ jobs /holidays.
Such a shame that we put so much effort on only 10%
Myth 2. I will be happy WHEN.....
As humans we overestimate how happy something will make us and hoe sad something bad will make. If we took more time to understand that we adapt to everything that happen to us we will come ti a peaceful place of love and compassion for our selves and our fellow human beings and start be happy in the moment.
Myth 3. you either have it of you don't
Buddhist monks through many researches have proven that you can increase happiness through meditation that we have 40% that we can influence and the journey is worth it.
The ideas and inspiration by book " The how of happiness"
Some idea by my favourite site that is more stoic when viewing happiness www.theschooloflife.com
Saturday, 26 March 2016
5 steps to happiness by psychologyst
It is so often that we come across people that seems to have it all . They have all the money to live a good life, they are healthy sometimes with personal trainers and some half marathons under their belt, they are a good relationships. There people get to their 40 and wake up every days grumpy and unenergised, they can't wait to have big legless drink out with friends in pub to forget their noise in their head.
As a result their start looking for a cause to their happiness, some find it in their job some in their relationship until some more years and the process repeat it self.
The problem is there is not one solution, there are many solutions to many problems and you need to know where you are to find where you want to go and how to get there.
I find sometimes people say what is wrong with me , I have everything and am not happy?
I often say to people there is nothing wrong with you you just are not aware of some other believes and programming in your mind that you acquired from society and lack of some important knowledge when it comes to achieving and preserving happiness.
1. First important fact.
Know thye self- Socrates
If during you time growing up you picked up that status is very important and you need to follow a degree that gives you status and is well payed is great. if all the time you keep mindful of all the other needs, needs for connection with friends, need to grow and keep you mind curios and alive and the need give back to society than the life will still be in balance. Stephen Covey on his various books mentions the need to feed our mind, body and soul.
2. Looking a A. Maslow hierarchy of needs as to how to be happy. Unfortunately only 2% of population in the USA are happy and fulfilled. In the richest country in the world only 2% are happy? Unfortunately the GDP measures the amount of money not the happiness.
image
I will I know this when i was planning my career or use to be happy and content truly we need to get to self- actualisation. having a great home, great spouse, childrens and money is not enough. We need to give to create and contribute.
3. Third important fact.
Happiness can be measured, can be studied and needs daily or weekly practices. There is an amazing field called positive psychology that started flourishing 10years ago.
a. write gratitude journal. once a week initially for 6weeks has proven great benefit.
b. savouring moments of blissfulness, like having a tea, coffee, walking park, playing with children's.
c. write a thank you note to somebody that help you some time before that you did not thank properly before and better read it in person.
Another way that i found from Gretchen Rubin fans page is.
In order to be happy you must AACT
A-Anticipate with pleasure
A-Appreciate the moment
R-Relate your happiness to others
T-Tell others of your experience
4. We need to savor happiness when we find it to avoid " hedonic adaptation".
You bought the 3 bed house you wanted you have enough space, garage and you studio it makes you exstatic. After 2 years living in it the happiness seems to fade, is not the same.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
because we are human and we are build this way. This is called Hedonic adaptation.
we adapt to positive and negative events , things are horrible when they happen but 2-3m lated we adjust. Goal are amazing when we reach them but then we adjust. I went to one of A. Robbins events and he suggested the point of Big goals is not just to reach them , the point is what we have to become to reach them.
5. The midlife crisis is not a bad thing. WHAT?
YES. Midlife crisis is a good thing.
People rush to the doctor to get a quick pill to change their state , or to the pub for a drink or smoking/ eating incessantly and miss the lesson to be learned from it.
I was listening once to Earl Nightingale explaining how he responded to people going through mid-life crisis. " Good for You" - the universe or you inner self how you want to call it is letting you know that you are off course and is giving you a shake to straighten the course.
Is the best time to wake up and live the life that truly makes you happy if you bear the pain and don't damage you head, health in the process.
As a result their start looking for a cause to their happiness, some find it in their job some in their relationship until some more years and the process repeat it self.
The problem is there is not one solution, there are many solutions to many problems and you need to know where you are to find where you want to go and how to get there.
I find sometimes people say what is wrong with me , I have everything and am not happy?
I often say to people there is nothing wrong with you you just are not aware of some other believes and programming in your mind that you acquired from society and lack of some important knowledge when it comes to achieving and preserving happiness.
1. First important fact.
Know thye self- Socrates
If during you time growing up you picked up that status is very important and you need to follow a degree that gives you status and is well payed is great. if all the time you keep mindful of all the other needs, needs for connection with friends, need to grow and keep you mind curios and alive and the need give back to society than the life will still be in balance. Stephen Covey on his various books mentions the need to feed our mind, body and soul.
2. Looking a A. Maslow hierarchy of needs as to how to be happy. Unfortunately only 2% of population in the USA are happy and fulfilled. In the richest country in the world only 2% are happy? Unfortunately the GDP measures the amount of money not the happiness.
image
I will I know this when i was planning my career or use to be happy and content truly we need to get to self- actualisation. having a great home, great spouse, childrens and money is not enough. We need to give to create and contribute.
3. Third important fact.
Happiness can be measured, can be studied and needs daily or weekly practices. There is an amazing field called positive psychology that started flourishing 10years ago.
a. write gratitude journal. once a week initially for 6weeks has proven great benefit.
b. savouring moments of blissfulness, like having a tea, coffee, walking park, playing with children's.
c. write a thank you note to somebody that help you some time before that you did not thank properly before and better read it in person.
Another way that i found from Gretchen Rubin fans page is.
In order to be happy you must AACT
A-Anticipate with pleasure
A-Appreciate the moment
R-Relate your happiness to others
T-Tell others of your experience
4. We need to savor happiness when we find it to avoid " hedonic adaptation".
You bought the 3 bed house you wanted you have enough space, garage and you studio it makes you exstatic. After 2 years living in it the happiness seems to fade, is not the same.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
because we are human and we are build this way. This is called Hedonic adaptation.
we adapt to positive and negative events , things are horrible when they happen but 2-3m lated we adjust. Goal are amazing when we reach them but then we adjust. I went to one of A. Robbins events and he suggested the point of Big goals is not just to reach them , the point is what we have to become to reach them.
5. The midlife crisis is not a bad thing. WHAT?
YES. Midlife crisis is a good thing.
People rush to the doctor to get a quick pill to change their state , or to the pub for a drink or smoking/ eating incessantly and miss the lesson to be learned from it.
I was listening once to Earl Nightingale explaining how he responded to people going through mid-life crisis. " Good for You" - the universe or you inner self how you want to call it is letting you know that you are off course and is giving you a shake to straighten the course.
Is the best time to wake up and live the life that truly makes you happy if you bear the pain and don't damage you head, health in the process.
Friday, 25 March 2016
Where is my happiness?
Are you happy in you relationship and you have been together for more than 2 years ? yes , great well done.
If your answer is No. Don't loose hope ,there is many things you can do and these 3 are the most studied and publicised.
1. change the way how you respond to you partners great news. There are 4 ways we respond to great news Active constructive, passive constructive, active destructive and passive destructive. the one that has shown to work is active constructive.
For example partner got back from work exited and thrilled honey I finally called my boss and asked for that raise and they gave it to me. the best support answer will be to ask for all the details in a curios manner, like , how did that happen? what did you exactly sad? where were you? what did he say? is he giving you more responsibilities? how does that make you feel?
answering with passive constructive option- that's great does not show support.
image
2. Help you partner achieve her or his ideal self. Know their dreams and be involved in them. there is a famous quote
"Look at a man the way that he is, he only becomes worse. But look at him as if he were what he could be, then he becomes what he should be." - Goethe
When our partners affirms us and helps us move closer to our ideal self we feel happier and vital. if you married an introvert give small parties and encourage him to tell his most favourite stories and let hime talk that will boost his confidence and hime being happy will have ripple effect on you.
image
3. the incredible effect of touch, non-sexual and sexual between partners.
this effect you studied thoroughly by John Bowlby last century in babies and their confidence that grew when mother was close to them. This was what he missed him self as he send to boarding school and he was determined to show the side effects of young children in this school far from parents love and hugs.
Studies show that simple touch can activate reward regions of our brains, reduce the amount of stress hormone and diminish physical pain. this studies imply that touch is like a drug, we get a high of happiness and reduced discomfort and stress.
image
We are complicated individuals with different needs and at the base of happiness is being happy with who we are , where we are and with what we are doing.
start with 10 big breaths and a 10min brisk walking.
have a great easter everybody.
B
The passage idea is taken from the book " the Myth of happiness"- by SonJa Lyubomirsky
If your answer is No. Don't loose hope ,there is many things you can do and these 3 are the most studied and publicised.
1. change the way how you respond to you partners great news. There are 4 ways we respond to great news Active constructive, passive constructive, active destructive and passive destructive. the one that has shown to work is active constructive.
For example partner got back from work exited and thrilled honey I finally called my boss and asked for that raise and they gave it to me. the best support answer will be to ask for all the details in a curios manner, like , how did that happen? what did you exactly sad? where were you? what did he say? is he giving you more responsibilities? how does that make you feel?
answering with passive constructive option- that's great does not show support.
image
2. Help you partner achieve her or his ideal self. Know their dreams and be involved in them. there is a famous quote
"Look at a man the way that he is, he only becomes worse. But look at him as if he were what he could be, then he becomes what he should be." - Goethe
When our partners affirms us and helps us move closer to our ideal self we feel happier and vital. if you married an introvert give small parties and encourage him to tell his most favourite stories and let hime talk that will boost his confidence and hime being happy will have ripple effect on you.
image
3. the incredible effect of touch, non-sexual and sexual between partners.
this effect you studied thoroughly by John Bowlby last century in babies and their confidence that grew when mother was close to them. This was what he missed him self as he send to boarding school and he was determined to show the side effects of young children in this school far from parents love and hugs.
Studies show that simple touch can activate reward regions of our brains, reduce the amount of stress hormone and diminish physical pain. this studies imply that touch is like a drug, we get a high of happiness and reduced discomfort and stress.
image
We are complicated individuals with different needs and at the base of happiness is being happy with who we are , where we are and with what we are doing.
start with 10 big breaths and a 10min brisk walking.
have a great easter everybody.
B
The passage idea is taken from the book " the Myth of happiness"- by SonJa Lyubomirsky
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